What's a Dad to Do? When I Can't Answer Her Questions Anymore...

Part of the joy of being a father to young children, is the ability to answer nearly any question that my children can ask. To them, I am an expert on everything. I fix bikes, clean fish tanks, and perform reconstructive surgery on Barbie dolls. To my children, I can make everything better--until recently.

Daddy, why did God make us so that we could be hurt? It was one of the first problems I couldn’t fix, a question I couldn’t answer. A few hours before, I was that hero delivering the perfectly sized Tinkerbelle band-aid to a routine bloody knee and stirring the perfect chocolate milk. Now, after having dedicated half my lifetime to studying theology, she unearths the single question that still baffles me.

And she knew it. Those bright expectant eyes that were accustomed to having all her questions answered by daddy gave way to disappointment. Soon after, she added more questions. And why is it that in the Bible God talks to people like Mary and Joseph, but God doesn’t talk to me? That’s a wonderful question, I said. She looked at me suspiciously. I think I should ask Fr. David, because you don’t seem to know very much!…… And with eyes welling up, she said, “I wish God would talk to me.”

Why does God seem to be absent in the face of suffering or in the everyday moments of life? Why doesn’t God speak to us more clearly when we struggle with life’s persistent questions? As men, we prefer clear, logical answers to our questions. We like rational analysis. Yet, to be a believer means to live with the mystery of unanswered questions that often defy the logical mind. This is difficult for all of us, but especially for us as men. Faith is less about knowing for sure, than it is about carrying a mystery.

In the end, Jesus did not come to answer the question of suffering but to fill it with his presence. So we don’t know why children are born hungry, but we will feed them. We don’t know why we were made to be hurt and to hurt others so easily, but we will ask for forgiveness and we will forgive them. We don’t know why so many are neglected, and judged, and ignored, but we will love them. In the end, the silence of God on these is the space for us to speak. I invite you to ponder how we as men of faith might respond to these great questions and mysteries at Holy Family’s Annual Men’s Spirituality Evening Retreat on May 4, 2012. Click here for more information.

An Unexpected Call...

This reflection commemorates Holy Family's 60th Anniversary.
We hope you will join us for our 60th Anniversary Mass on May 22.
Click here for more details.

I attended my first retreat ever (anywhere) at Holy Family in January of 2009, at the invitation, and, as it turned out, gift of a friend who has been “my Eli” since I was confirmed as an adult years ago. She had been telling me for years that I would love it. She was, of course, right.

I arrived Friday night with such anticipation, although my first take on the retreat theme – We Are Called – was perhaps a tad skeptical. At my age and stage in life, the prospect of a “Call” seemed a bit remote.

I did, however, come away from that weekend, if not called to something, then maybe awakened, to a need, almost a hunger (to risk being somewhat dramatic) for prayer at a deeper level.

I have always prayed – usually a running commentary of thanks, help, and I’m sorry throughout my day. Since that January weekend, however, I now set aside a specific time every morning to be quiet in God’s presence and to pray by name, and with intention, for people in need of healing and for the blessing and protection of my family and friends. I pray for those who have asked for prayers and for others whose particular needs I am aware of. I pray for people and for circumstances from the headlines and those with whom I share ministries in my parish. I call each one to mind and their individual needs or circumstances and place them before God. I also pray every day for those who have been and are a part of my spiritual journey.

Maybe my call was to prayer! I’ve learned that my attentiveness to prayer has made me more attentive to others and aware, as well, of God’s comforting presence and loving care in my own life.

While I am active in and committed to my home parish, Holy Family has become my extended family in faith, a place of welcome and comfort. I come back as often as I can for the renewal, fresh insight, and continuing call that are at the heart of the Holy Family experience, and always leave uplifted and encouraged … and wanting more.

Jane Woodmansee